G.P's (General Pricktitioners)

Shitty doctors... (No, not the daytime telle drama on channel 4), doctors that go by the name of G.P.
They are utterly useless, well at least mine is. I honestly do not know how that woman can pretend she is a certified medical practitioner. It's a joke, it's baring on almost human rights violations!.

So heres the story right, Yesterday i developed a severe pain in my chest, it happened whenever i moved or went to breathe and as the night went on it seemed to get worse, so me freaking out 'naturally' almost got my friend to take me to A and E as... i couldnt breathe folks *scary*.

Eventually, after a giant spoonful of benilyn and two neurofen, i calmed down and went to sleep. When i woke up breathless this morning with an agonising pain in my to my left side i decided to skip the pill popping and go into see my doctor. Now im really pissed off, because..

One:
Even though my appointment was at 1 it took nearly an hour for my doctor to get round to seeing me.

Two:
Upon walking into her office (at 2 ¬¬) she instantly hits me with, 'Have you been feeling depressed or down lately', i hadnt even said anything. This really enfuriates me because im actually a quite happy person, but my doctor seems to think im, whats the term?.. 'off the rails'.

After cleverly sussing out im not depressed, i told her my symptoms, or at least i did as best i could with her constant interuptions of no relivence, 'Ive got a sharp constant pain in my chest and', "Do your hands hurt?" '...no', you get the idea. She's also a sadist or something because as soon as i told her i found it painful to breathe, she instantly grabs a stethoscope and tells me to lift up my shirt and inhale... deeply.

I am really considering getting a new doctor, but their all the same. General practitioners, HA your joking.

My Shields

Have you ever felt truely alone? It's not the greatest of feelings, and for a long time, it didnt bother me. Ive always been alone, no brothers or sisters to idolise, or envy. Nothing like that. I mean sure ive got my friends, and their the best friends in the world. Even so, they still can't keep me company all the time. Sometimes, most times, I am alone. I suppose im used to it, and i suppose im not as emotionally open as other people because of that.

Never having someone to tell your sorrows to, you get used to keeping them inside. As a result, im afraid of showing my feelings... my fears, hopes, even my dreams. It's not that i dont trust the people i would tell them too... It's more i dont know how to tell them. There my secrets, and you dont need to tell yourself them do you, you just know. But nobody else knows, to others im always fine, im always cheery. You'd be surpirsed what a smile can cover.

Im lonely, and i want someone to hold me, to care for me... I want to know someone is thinking about me, missing me. But i just can't see it. I can't feel it anymore. The world just seems empty and cold.
What i would give to express myself propperly...
For someone to understand what its like to feel forgotten.

Splinters

I can't help but feel like theres something, missing. Ive been thinking alot and somethings... not right. There's a hole in my heart, and no amount of fun, money, time spent at work, with friends, etc, can fill it. It's always there, an echo of a distant past, like a splinter in my mind.

Im not sure what to do anymore about it, ive tried ignoring it and being at work or with my friends helps, but its still there.
What is this lingering darkness? This missing light...