Total Detox

My heart is getting so heavy, like a stone in my chest, i feel more and more numb all the time. Im struggling to hide my pain, my longing... Everyone thought i was love sick so i faked a cure, my shield to the world. I can't maintain it, to do so is killing me, turning my heart into a prison has turned me into a monster. I fear i wont be able to feel anything, and yet i still feel everything... Locking it away dosent stop it, it just holds it, and now i can't even say it.. how do i tell something ive tried to hard to hide, have i hidden it? Or has everyone just been playing along, who knows. All i know is, i still feel the same.. I don't know what i should do with these feelings, should i keep them hidden, or tell him?, Will it change anything if i do? Will i win back his heart if i fight for it? Or will it only serve to push him away... Ive tried before but it didnt work... is this time different? Can i be brave enough to risk it? Does he treat me so badly at times because he still has feelings for me, or is it just because I still have feelings for him?... I wish i had the answers, then i might know what to do :/